Handling My Parents' Finances

My taking over my parents’ finances has been a gradual progression. My mom has always handled everything, so although my dad has had dementia for several years, that initially had no impact on me.  However, when macular degeneration made it difficult for Mom to balance her checkbook, pay bills and gather information for the accountant at tax time,  I took over those tasks.  Still, these were easy tasks, and really required only my time….no decision making.  In recent months, my mom’s mental condition has deteriorated, and she essentially asked me to handle all of their finances.  This included deciding how to invest the proceeds from the sale of their house, doing everything that was required for my dad to start receiving VA benefits, setting up a new trust, and changing power of attorney from my brother to me.  I made the decision to hire an elder law attorney to be certain that everything was done correctly.  That was quite expensive, and I did lose a bit of sleep over spending their money on something that may not have been necessary. 

I picked the assisted living community they are now in, based mostly on the physical features of their apartment.  I realize now that I should have done more research because there are some issues there.  I wonder if I could have found some place that was better, and less expensive. They are both in their 90’s and I know that moving them at this stage would be very traumatic for them, so they will stay there and I’ll do what I can to handle the problems I see there by regular communication with the director.  Another worry to interfere with a good night’s sleep.

I have made an appointment with a financial planner to discuss their investments. Once again I know I will be making a decision on their behalf, and I find that to be much more challenging than deciding what to do with my own money. 

My mom tells me almost every time I see her and she doesn’t know what they would do without me, and they totally trust me to handle EVERYTHING.  I appreciate her trust, but I wish I had her confidence in all of the decisions I have made on their behalf.